Friday, March 9, 2012

Never know what to expect!

My nine year old daughter, Double A, came to me the other night and said "after you put Bumblebee to bed I need to talk to you about something." Now, many of you don't know Double A like I do. She NEVER wants to talk about something other than Taylor Swift and horses and dessert and there is no build up for those conversations...they flow out unbidden. Double A is quite reclusive about discussing weighty topics or feelings. So you can imagine my surprise and worry stemming from this statement.

Bumblebee was in bed and I went in to discuss this topic of unknown origin. She looked close to tears and I thought we were on the edge of a "Santa isn't real" or a "how do you make a baby" conversation. My heart was racing with dread and Husband #1 was not home for backup. This is what I got: "Sometimes some pee comes out before I know it, even when I don't have to go pee." At this point she is about to burst out in tears for reasons I cannot understand and I am about to burst out in laughter and say "If you think it is bad now, you are soooo doomed! You haven't even had a baby yet!" But see above where I mentioned possible conversation topics. I wisely steered clear of my outburst and rationally began asking her a stream (see what I did there with that pun) of "medical" questions. (I am not a doctor but I play a doctor's wife in real life. This qualifies me for absolutely nothing medical but for some reason, people seem to think it does.)

After assessing this issue with all of my non-existent medical knowledge, I determine she has no problem other than she needs to go to the bathroom sooner. She does not perceive this to be the problem so I (again) wisely refrain from dismissing her with this corrective action in hand. We discuss at length how your body needs fluid and you need to pee more than twice per day. This morphs into color and smell of pee, bladder and kidney infections, etc. We develop a plan for drinking more water at school and regular bathroom trips whether she "has to go" or not. She seemed happy with this resolution. I was happy she was happy and that she actually felt comfortable enough to talk to me about this since it was obviously a very big deal to her.

There are just some things no one ever tells you will have to do as a parent. Along with "catching someone else's vomit in your own cupped hands" and "inserting a suppository in your one year old in an airport bathroom", discussing color and smell of urine with a nine year old is one that "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" neglected to mention.

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